What Kind of God Would Let That Happen?
- Brian Lambert
- Feb 25
- 5 min read
Over the past two weeks, I have been contacted by multiple men who are actively living out the mission of the Kingdom — ministering to other men, sharing the Gospel, and stepping into hard, sometimes hopeless conversations. And interestingly, they have all been asked a similar question:
"What kind of God would allow so much pain in the world?"
This isn’t a philosophical dilemma. It isn’t a theological debate. It is the cry of a wounded child now coming from the mouth of a grown man who is still carrying hurt, still confused, still trying to make sense of the pain he believes God did not rescue him from. And if we are quick to give answers before we offer compassion — if we lead with theology instead of tenderness and care, we risk missing his heart entirely.
The First Response Should Be Presence
When someone says, “God wasn’t there for me,” what they’re often saying is: “I was scared. I begged, and I prayed, but nothing changed.”
Before we explain anything about God's sovereignty, His purpose, or human free will, we must validate the wound. You can say:
“If you cried out to God as a child and the abuse didn’t stop, that may feel like God abandoned you. I can see how that kind of pain and experience with God can potentially shape the rest of your life.”
Pastoral care and trauma-informed counseling both emphasize that healing begins with attunement, not correction (McMinn, 2011; van der Kolk, 2014).
Note: Attunement is the ability to accurately perceive, understand, and respond to another person’s emotional state in a way that helps them feel seen, safe, and understood (Siegel, 2012).
Do not rush to defend God. Do not quote Romans 8:28. This may be difficult to understand, but the abused child is still inside the adult man. And that child deserves to be heard.
Separate God’s Heart from Human Evil
Many trauma/abuse survivors were given or have developed a distorted picture of God. They were taught, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, that:
God controls everything.
If He loved you, He would have stopped it.
If He didn’t stop it, He must not care.
But Scripture paints a different story. From Genesis to Revelation, God gives humanity freedom and responsibility. Love requires freedom. And tragically, freedom allows for evil (Plantinga, 1974). Abuse is not God’s will; It is the result of someone misusing their freedom irresponsibly.
The Gospel does not say:
“God causes evil to teach lessons.”
The Gospel says:
“God enters the space where evil exists to redeem what evil tried to destroy.”
Christian theology has long affirmed that God does not author evil, but permits human freedom within a fallen world (Plantinga, 1974; Stott, 1986).
The Cross Changes the Conversation
The clearest picture of God’s heart is not an unanswered childhood prayer.
It is the Cross. Jesus Christ was abused. He was betrayed. He was falsely accused. He was mocked, stripped, beaten, and crucified.
Isaiah 53 calls Him:
“A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”
The Cross reveals a God who does not remain distant from suffering but enters into it (Stott, 1986). As theologian John Stott (1986) wrote, the Cross is God’s self-giving act in which He bears suffering rather than stands apart from it.
God did not remain distant from suffering. He entered it. When a man says, “God wasn’t there,” we can gently respond by saying:
“When you were being hurt, God was not siding with the abuser. He was grieving. And in Christ, He knows what it feels like to be abused and powerless.”
That shifts the image of God from "silent supervisor" to suffering Savior.
The Hard Question: Why Didn’t God Stop It?
This is where most men feel stuck. We must be honest. We do not have a complete answer. But we do know this:
God does not override human will every time evil is chosen.
If He did, we would not have real freedom.
The same freedom that allows love also allows harm.
Philosophically and theologically, the free will defense explains that genuine love and moral agency require the possibility of misuse (Plantinga, 1974).
The Cross teaches us something critical: God does not always prevent suffering.
But He always judges evil. And He always redeems what is surrendered to Him.
Abuse will not go unanswered in eternity. Justice delayed is not justice denied.
Reframing “Unanswered Prayer”
Sometimes what feels like silence was actually survival. When you’re in these conversations, gently ask:
“Who helped you eventually?”
“How did you make it through?”
“What kept you from becoming what was done to you?”
Many survivors discover something extremely powerful: They did not lose their conscience. They did not lose their capacity for love. They did not lose their soul. They weren't rescued, but by God's grace, they built resilience.
Anger toward God Is Often Grief Wearing Protective Armor!
If a man is angry at God, don’t shame him. Seek a deeper understanding. Because, beneath anger toward God, there is often deep, unhealed pain. Anger is often sorrow that never felt safe enough to cry.
The Bible is full of men who cried out in confusion and pain.
God is not fragile. He can handle accusation. Sometimes healing begins when we say:
“You don’t have to run from God with your anger. You can bring it to Him.”
What Not to Say
Please, DO NOT say:
“God had a reason.”
“It made you stronger.”
“Everything happens for a purpose.”
“You just need more faith.”
Those statements often deepen the wound.
Instead say:
“What happened to you was evil. God hates what happened to you. And He wants to heal what it wounded.”
A Final Word
If you are one of the men who reached out to me — thank you for being bold and courageous to step into other people's pain! Remember: You are not called to win an argument, you are called to embody Christ.
The Gospel is not:
“Believe in Jesus so bad things won’t happen.”
The Gospel is:
“You are not alone in your suffering, and your story is not finished.”
And maybe — just maybe — the God your friend is angry at is not the true picture of God at all.
What if the real God has been grieving with him all along?
That is where the conversation truly begins — not with perfect, biblical answers, but with deep, authentic compassion for a brother in need...and with the Cross at the center.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human
development. Basic Books.
Brueggemann, W. (1984). The message of the Psalms: A theological
commentary. Augsburg Publishing House.
McMinn, M. R. (2011). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian
counseling (2nd ed.). Tyndale House Publishers.
Plantinga, A. (1974). God, freedom, and evil. Eerdmans.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact
to shape who we are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the
healing of trauma. Viking.
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